Life, the Universe and Everything

The place used to be called South Cerney Gravel Pits but the marketing guys changed it to Cotswold Water Park. It's a fair name though - if you scoop a load of gravel out of the ground, water seeps into the void and pretty soon, you've got a lake. Or, in the case of Cotswold Water Park, 133 lakes. If was the beavers that made me go and have a look. There's a place called Lower Mill Estate where they've reintroduced Castor fiber . I didn't get to see them though because Lower Mill Estate turns out to be an exclusive "gated community" and I had to stick to public footpaths nearby. Took some photos…. Rebellious duck. One of the houses on the Lower Mill Estate. Odd! More upmarket houses? Or a student campus? Resident

So I found this on the Net somewhere: SOCIALISM You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour. COMMUNISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. FASCISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk. NAZISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you. BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away. ...but the one I really love: SURREALISM You have two giraffes . The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. :-)

Jeff was having a good day. He'd finally got the Counselling Centre a "partnership agreement". These things were so fashionable nowadays. True, the partner was only the tatty Catholic Church round the corner but they were friendly. Even given him their old confessional box with the suggestion he use it for "supervision" sessions with the counsellors he managed. Damien, one of the younger counsellors had been sceptical but entered into the spirit of it… "Bless me Supervisor for I have sinned!" he intoned "And what sin would that be? Have you been Insensitive?" "No" "Made Assumptions?" "No, worse than that. Oh, I can't say it!" Jeff had a lot of experience so his next question seemed quite casual.  "Oh dear! Which client did you shag?" "NO, it's WORSE than even that!!!!" Jeff was bewildered "Wow! What have you done? C'mon, spit it out!" Tears filled Damien's eyes. Hesit...

Shortly after I blogged about the TV Licensing people, someone from Fishburn Hedges surfed by. I looked them up and they say they are " one of the leading reputation management firms in Europe " and their clients include "BBC TV Licensing" They say: " we’re here to make a difference - to the reputation of their brand, organisation or campaign. To make them better. Not just look better, but be better. And always with a clear purpose: to change the behaviours and opinions of those who matter to them ." Sounds quite ethical although I'm twitchy about them trying to change my behaviours and opinions. Mind you, I suspect that TV refusniks like me are not " those who matter to them ". Respect, guys! You have the client from Hell! Links Fishburn Hedges Me v TV Licensing

Just this week the doctor sent me to see his vampires. They call themselves Phlebotomists nowadays which is more cuddly but only marginally. When I got to "Phlebotomy" (that's cuddly too, right?) about 20 other patients were already parked in various nooks and crannies. No sign of a queue or anything British. Lots of signs about the dangers of ultra violent ("What skin type are you?), the dangers of Osteoporosis (£35 for a test), the benefits of counselling (A fee is charged for this service), No smoking, wear a condom, keep fit….. As I stood there looking bewildered, another patient took pity and directed me down a narrow corridor on the left and told me to take a numbered card from the board on the right. I got the card, sat down feeling pretty stupid and wondered if the compulsory 14 hour pre-test fast had damaged my brain. Then another patient came in, looked bewildered at all the signage and had to be helped into the system. Every new patient went through th...

As with all our articles on pest control, we start with a little biology. Contrary to statements on some websites, TV Licensing Enforcement Officers are not in fact reptiles. Surprisingly, they are actually mammals quite closely related to man! The exact date of the introduction of this pest into the UK is unknown but it was probably after World War II. Like another recently arrived pest, Mink ( Neovison vison ) they were originally introduced for a practical reason. In the case of Mink this was for fur farms but the animals escaped and kill many small wild and domestic creatures. TV Licensing Enforcement Officer is used to hunt down people who use a TV without paying the licence fee. Unfortunately, they also harass people who don't have a TV. Normal pest control methods such as trapping or shooting are not legal for TV Licensing Enforcement Officer. For many years there seemed to be no way of dealing with infestations but I've recently discovered a promising new method -...

Glasgow where the guy pointed out that a return ticket to Mallaig was cheaper than the single I'd asked for. Dublin where the clerk asked if the two of us were married? Anxiously, we told him "No" (this was 1980's Ireland), He said, "Look, say you are married and I can sell you a 'Family Ticket', it's cheaper". He sold us a "Dog, Bicycle or Pram" ticket for the tandem too. Just today, in Cheltenham , I went to buy a ticket for a trip to Exeter . The guy cheerfully offered me a ticket to Exmouth via Exeter for £6.50 less.